These past few weeks, I have been confronted with issues and situations that made me think back to my youth, childhood, and upbringing.
I believe that a lot of my choices, and maternal patterns and instincts are influenced consciously and unconsciously by my own upbringing, and situations in those times. Not using it as an excuse, but as an observation that has clarified a few things in my heart, and soul.
At the moment we are in a situation that one of our children (young adult) is having problems adjusting to his responsibilities to become independent and that he stands on his own two feet.
Looking back on his upbringing, I find a pattern that is all too familiar to me. It is in many ways a repeat of how I was raised.
Not that I had a bad upbringing, but I got away with "average"....in everything. Now as an adult, I know I could have achieved so much more, study wise, and character wise. Now in this phase of my life, being confronted with this situation; I feel like I had missed/not seen, or accepted opportunities that would have challenged me, and possibly given me a totally other direction in life.
My parents were unable to know and unaware that I was getting away with "average"....on all fronts. They were new immigrants to a new country...a new language, culture, school system, traditions. They had all the best intentions, and hopes for us, their children. But were so busy with just surviving, and coping with their new life.....that they were already pleased that we just slid through the school system, and that we were not making trouble, or causing waves. Making a "safe" choice to try to go in nursing, was an easy, and acceptable career. It was that or being a teacher or secretary. Those were "the" choices in those days....So, nursing it was. That didn't quite work out.
I admit, now looking back; was totally OK with that freedom, and no pressure to achieve or excel in my schooling, or development. I was lazy, and just happy to slide by. Nursing school was "ok", but I felt that it wasn't really my desire. I stepped out of the program half way....and had enough experience to be hired as a nurses' aide. Again...easy choice. No further schooling, and earning money is a fairly easy way. Work was pleasant at times, but my mind and character were still not feeling like this is "it". I have all my life been restless, in my thoughts, and trying to figure out why I felt "average" about everything I did, or tried. In the past few years; new situations have forced me to re-think about what I am actually capable of, and what my talents are. I have discovered that I have a lot to offer to others, and to myself. Much more that I every thought I could, or wanted to do.
Sadly, I fear that this discovery is for me, and my family and children on the very late side. I admit that raising our children, I too took the "easy" way to bring them up. I let "average" be OK....in many circumstances....and now regret that I was lazy, and maybe afraid to confront myself, and them with this "easy" upbringing. I didn't help them in any way, by not teaching them to be more responsible and more accountable for their achievements, or participation in personal and community involvement and work.
Now with our present situation, I have admitted to myself, and to my young adult son....that I wimped out, and totally regret missing making another type of life for myself. That I don't want him to make the same "easy" mistake to just "get by" with making easy uncomplicated choices and plans. This is his chance to think for himself, and dare to look beyond what is comfortable and familiar.
I learned this lesson for myself very late in my life, but even in this later phase of my life, and trying to learn, and develop myself....and say I am not "average" but am smarter and more capable than I had even thought.
It is a difficult moment for me, to realize and accept that I would have done so much differently; now understanding and knowing what I know of myself, and the choices I had then made.
Basically....I was (and still in some ways) afraid to demand more of myself, and capability. Be less fearful of what "others" think or expect of me.
Thankfully, I can only move forward, and even at this late moment in my life, and my child's life...try to learn from that insight and lesson. Dare to try to do something big, or different. It will be a great learning adventure....and who knows....you may be able to fly higher, and further than you ever dreamed of.
I believe that a lot of my choices, and maternal patterns and instincts are influenced consciously and unconsciously by my own upbringing, and situations in those times. Not using it as an excuse, but as an observation that has clarified a few things in my heart, and soul.
At the moment we are in a situation that one of our children (young adult) is having problems adjusting to his responsibilities to become independent and that he stands on his own two feet.
Looking back on his upbringing, I find a pattern that is all too familiar to me. It is in many ways a repeat of how I was raised.
Not that I had a bad upbringing, but I got away with "average"....in everything. Now as an adult, I know I could have achieved so much more, study wise, and character wise. Now in this phase of my life, being confronted with this situation; I feel like I had missed/not seen, or accepted opportunities that would have challenged me, and possibly given me a totally other direction in life.
My parents were unable to know and unaware that I was getting away with "average"....on all fronts. They were new immigrants to a new country...a new language, culture, school system, traditions. They had all the best intentions, and hopes for us, their children. But were so busy with just surviving, and coping with their new life.....that they were already pleased that we just slid through the school system, and that we were not making trouble, or causing waves. Making a "safe" choice to try to go in nursing, was an easy, and acceptable career. It was that or being a teacher or secretary. Those were "the" choices in those days....So, nursing it was. That didn't quite work out.
I admit, now looking back; was totally OK with that freedom, and no pressure to achieve or excel in my schooling, or development. I was lazy, and just happy to slide by. Nursing school was "ok", but I felt that it wasn't really my desire. I stepped out of the program half way....and had enough experience to be hired as a nurses' aide. Again...easy choice. No further schooling, and earning money is a fairly easy way. Work was pleasant at times, but my mind and character were still not feeling like this is "it". I have all my life been restless, in my thoughts, and trying to figure out why I felt "average" about everything I did, or tried. In the past few years; new situations have forced me to re-think about what I am actually capable of, and what my talents are. I have discovered that I have a lot to offer to others, and to myself. Much more that I every thought I could, or wanted to do.
Sadly, I fear that this discovery is for me, and my family and children on the very late side. I admit that raising our children, I too took the "easy" way to bring them up. I let "average" be OK....in many circumstances....and now regret that I was lazy, and maybe afraid to confront myself, and them with this "easy" upbringing. I didn't help them in any way, by not teaching them to be more responsible and more accountable for their achievements, or participation in personal and community involvement and work.
Now with our present situation, I have admitted to myself, and to my young adult son....that I wimped out, and totally regret missing making another type of life for myself. That I don't want him to make the same "easy" mistake to just "get by" with making easy uncomplicated choices and plans. This is his chance to think for himself, and dare to look beyond what is comfortable and familiar.
I learned this lesson for myself very late in my life, but even in this later phase of my life, and trying to learn, and develop myself....and say I am not "average" but am smarter and more capable than I had even thought.
It is a difficult moment for me, to realize and accept that I would have done so much differently; now understanding and knowing what I know of myself, and the choices I had then made.
Basically....I was (and still in some ways) afraid to demand more of myself, and capability. Be less fearful of what "others" think or expect of me.
Thankfully, I can only move forward, and even at this late moment in my life, and my child's life...try to learn from that insight and lesson. Dare to try to do something big, or different. It will be a great learning adventure....and who knows....you may be able to fly higher, and further than you ever dreamed of.
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