I think I found out what my "lesson" will be for the coming while. More "letting go".
As I told, this past holiday season was very different, and my feelings were mixed.
At the moment my soul is feeling that I am on the edge of another "shift" in myself.
This New Year's I had to figure out a another bit of the puzzle of who I am, and want to be better at. By that I mean, uncovering pieces of myself that I didn't know I have, or that I have forgotten about that part of myself.
With both sons gone over New Years, my traditional routines, customs, and rituals were not called on. It left me feeling unsettled, and uncertain. Floundering for "what do I do..." No baking needed, no special meals, no hoards of friends of the sons coming by to taste test the baking of traditional food. Quiet. Stillness. TOO much. It rattled me deeply. After all the years of fussing and prepping...to not doing anything.
Honestly....I felt for a huge moment....not "needed". That surprisingly hurt me. I was feeling alone, and a bit at a loss. For hubby he got his wish...a quiet New Years with no fuss, or bother. To me, it felt bare, and not celebrated. It felt like blowing out all the candles on the cake, and sitting in the dark. I know that 2015 was a difficult year for myself personally, and for our family because of the family drama....it still felt deflated.
As we watched 2016 arrive, it was with caution, and a careful wish of a better year.
That is not who I am, deep inside. I still want to be positive, and hopeful. I think that is what part of myself is so ruffled. With the rituals, and traditions I in many ways celebrate the hope and positive feeling about the future.
One big lesson for myself, is next year....no matter who is home or not...to at least for myself do the baking and prepping for the New Year.
The other lesson that I feel is happening, is that our family is changing again. Son # 2 is preparing mentally and physically that he will be moving out as soon as he can. So that means my "nest" will be really empty. Certainly in those periods that hubby is away working for weeks on end.
So I will be confronted/challenged (more positive approach) to filling in my life....for myself. MY life. Not defined by the needs of family first-then me approach...but MY life; and how I would like to live it as central point.
Lessons in letting others go....and hang on to myself, and what I want to do and be. Less mom, and more independent as a partner and wife. More of being myself: Joanne. New Version. 2016
As I told, this past holiday season was very different, and my feelings were mixed.
At the moment my soul is feeling that I am on the edge of another "shift" in myself.
This New Year's I had to figure out a another bit of the puzzle of who I am, and want to be better at. By that I mean, uncovering pieces of myself that I didn't know I have, or that I have forgotten about that part of myself.
With both sons gone over New Years, my traditional routines, customs, and rituals were not called on. It left me feeling unsettled, and uncertain. Floundering for "what do I do..." No baking needed, no special meals, no hoards of friends of the sons coming by to taste test the baking of traditional food. Quiet. Stillness. TOO much. It rattled me deeply. After all the years of fussing and prepping...to not doing anything.
Honestly....I felt for a huge moment....not "needed". That surprisingly hurt me. I was feeling alone, and a bit at a loss. For hubby he got his wish...a quiet New Years with no fuss, or bother. To me, it felt bare, and not celebrated. It felt like blowing out all the candles on the cake, and sitting in the dark. I know that 2015 was a difficult year for myself personally, and for our family because of the family drama....it still felt deflated.
As we watched 2016 arrive, it was with caution, and a careful wish of a better year.
That is not who I am, deep inside. I still want to be positive, and hopeful. I think that is what part of myself is so ruffled. With the rituals, and traditions I in many ways celebrate the hope and positive feeling about the future.
One big lesson for myself, is next year....no matter who is home or not...to at least for myself do the baking and prepping for the New Year.
The other lesson that I feel is happening, is that our family is changing again. Son # 2 is preparing mentally and physically that he will be moving out as soon as he can. So that means my "nest" will be really empty. Certainly in those periods that hubby is away working for weeks on end.
So I will be confronted/challenged (more positive approach) to filling in my life....for myself. MY life. Not defined by the needs of family first-then me approach...but MY life; and how I would like to live it as central point.
Lessons in letting others go....and hang on to myself, and what I want to do and be. Less mom, and more independent as a partner and wife. More of being myself: Joanne. New Version. 2016
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