Deep sigh.
A sigh of longing, a yearning for simplicity. A memory of Christmases of my youth. The awe and wonder of all the lights, the snow; the music, and the pure joy of all that had to do with Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Christmas but I feel like I am drowning in all the effort and preparations that go into "creating" that long ago feeling. It takes organization, and (wo)man hours to get Christmas going.
At the moment of writing this, my house is half decorated. Boxes are all over my work room, with things that could be put up, to help the Christmas sphere is the home.
At least I have music on....which always has been a huge part of my experience of the Holiday season. My favorite Cd's, and play lists are filling with music that makes my heart sing along. My favorite is any version of " Mary, did you know".... I can't get through listening to that without tears.
What is a sad part of this time of year, is all the stress that it brings. We are so silly for trying to make our homes like the Norman Rockwell picture perfect situations. This year, I am not decorating everything in one day. I have decided to only pull out and put up what feels right at the moment, or day. I have boxes full of decorations of almost every popular Christmas color, so it is already a major moment deciding what "theme" we are having in the home.
Decision....Red, white, and silver. Relaxed style, with a wink to fun.
Now just to get the relaxed style into our family's frame of mind. That will be the major issue in the coming days. My hubby has a traumatic youth, and Christmases were one of the worst periods of his young life. Always drama, conflict, and punishment. So he has much difficulty with trying to distance himself from those memories, and almost instinctive reactions to the Holiday season. It makes me so sad, and mad; that parents can so destroy and take away joy and precious wonderful moments, with their selfish egos and demands and unreal expectations of their children. Those children of then, are the damaged and traumatized adults of today. My heart breaks for him, as he tries to be " merry and bright".
Since the last few years have been very difficult holiday seasons, my sons have asked to just have a private family day. Just the 4 of us. After the years of dramas during the Christmas dinner, because of other family members using the gathering as a venting ground....we are alone. Together. We are going to try again, to just have a nice intimate family meal. Boxing day will be spent with family and friends, but Christmas morning, and day is for us.
Even the menu planning is going differently this year. A break from "tradition". Breakfast will be simple, but what we love. Home baked cinnamon buns, and croissants, with the works.
Lunch just a soup and fancy sandwiches. Dinner is still being discussed. But we are making final choices this week. At least everyone agrees, a dinner that is delicious, but doesn't require hours of work in the kitchen, or preparations. Boxing day will be a very relaxed meal. We are doing a DIY dinner. It is gourmet, and raclette. A meal that takes time, just like with a fondue meal.
I am still not sure of what I personally will be doing with regards to going to a Christmas church service or not. The past few years my heart and faith wasn't in it, because of all the sorrow and sadness I was feelings. The church services only made me cry, and feel more separated from the joy of the season. At this point, I have mixed feelings. Still have some time to think and feel about that.
Hoping that I can find more peace, joy and happiness this season. Praying that we will have positive experience, and that we can ourselves find the love and warmth of the holidays.
Reading this over, it really is a "mixed" bag of feelings.
Still, I want to try. Because deep in my heart...I love Christmas, and all it stands for.
Maybe we should look way back to remember the Christmases where we were filled with awe, joy and love. Being with those we loved, and who loved us.
A sigh of longing, a yearning for simplicity. A memory of Christmases of my youth. The awe and wonder of all the lights, the snow; the music, and the pure joy of all that had to do with Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Christmas but I feel like I am drowning in all the effort and preparations that go into "creating" that long ago feeling. It takes organization, and (wo)man hours to get Christmas going.
At the moment of writing this, my house is half decorated. Boxes are all over my work room, with things that could be put up, to help the Christmas sphere is the home.
At least I have music on....which always has been a huge part of my experience of the Holiday season. My favorite Cd's, and play lists are filling with music that makes my heart sing along. My favorite is any version of " Mary, did you know".... I can't get through listening to that without tears.
What is a sad part of this time of year, is all the stress that it brings. We are so silly for trying to make our homes like the Norman Rockwell picture perfect situations. This year, I am not decorating everything in one day. I have decided to only pull out and put up what feels right at the moment, or day. I have boxes full of decorations of almost every popular Christmas color, so it is already a major moment deciding what "theme" we are having in the home.
Decision....Red, white, and silver. Relaxed style, with a wink to fun.
Now just to get the relaxed style into our family's frame of mind. That will be the major issue in the coming days. My hubby has a traumatic youth, and Christmases were one of the worst periods of his young life. Always drama, conflict, and punishment. So he has much difficulty with trying to distance himself from those memories, and almost instinctive reactions to the Holiday season. It makes me so sad, and mad; that parents can so destroy and take away joy and precious wonderful moments, with their selfish egos and demands and unreal expectations of their children. Those children of then, are the damaged and traumatized adults of today. My heart breaks for him, as he tries to be " merry and bright".
Since the last few years have been very difficult holiday seasons, my sons have asked to just have a private family day. Just the 4 of us. After the years of dramas during the Christmas dinner, because of other family members using the gathering as a venting ground....we are alone. Together. We are going to try again, to just have a nice intimate family meal. Boxing day will be spent with family and friends, but Christmas morning, and day is for us.
Even the menu planning is going differently this year. A break from "tradition". Breakfast will be simple, but what we love. Home baked cinnamon buns, and croissants, with the works.
Lunch just a soup and fancy sandwiches. Dinner is still being discussed. But we are making final choices this week. At least everyone agrees, a dinner that is delicious, but doesn't require hours of work in the kitchen, or preparations. Boxing day will be a very relaxed meal. We are doing a DIY dinner. It is gourmet, and raclette. A meal that takes time, just like with a fondue meal.
I am still not sure of what I personally will be doing with regards to going to a Christmas church service or not. The past few years my heart and faith wasn't in it, because of all the sorrow and sadness I was feelings. The church services only made me cry, and feel more separated from the joy of the season. At this point, I have mixed feelings. Still have some time to think and feel about that.
Hoping that I can find more peace, joy and happiness this season. Praying that we will have positive experience, and that we can ourselves find the love and warmth of the holidays.
Reading this over, it really is a "mixed" bag of feelings.
Still, I want to try. Because deep in my heart...I love Christmas, and all it stands for.
Maybe we should look way back to remember the Christmases where we were filled with awe, joy and love. Being with those we loved, and who loved us.
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