Made it. A day further...
Did go to the therapist, who kindly kept handing me tissues, as I blubbered my heart out to her. There was an initial relief of actually trying to put into words, giving a voice to what was zooming around in my head and heart. It felt like some of the weight is off of me. Just a slight relief of the pressure and the suffocating feeling in my body. I could breathe a bit deeper and longer. That felt good.
It was hard to put into action what was my "homework". I still struggle to make the time to do it.
I still get deeply upset when asked "how are you? " In the innocence of people asking me that, they have no idea how dangerous my "floodgates" are ready to burst, and that they are met with me crying and unable to talk. In this day and age, it often (more often than not) is a frivolous question, an automatic remark/response....that is rarely met with a real HONEST answer. I am too upset, and too tired; to play the game of saying "fine, all is okay....how are you?".
This time .....when asked, I will answer honestly. Sorry folks....but time is precious, and if you really are interested in how I am doing...you will also be interested in my honest answer...as difficult as it is
.
Answer: not well, hanging in there, and trying to get better. Depressed, and getting help. Moment by moment, hour by hour, and day by day. Haven't give up hope, but grasping for courage, strength and time to get on my feet again.
Did go to the therapist, who kindly kept handing me tissues, as I blubbered my heart out to her. There was an initial relief of actually trying to put into words, giving a voice to what was zooming around in my head and heart. It felt like some of the weight is off of me. Just a slight relief of the pressure and the suffocating feeling in my body. I could breathe a bit deeper and longer. That felt good.
It was hard to put into action what was my "homework". I still struggle to make the time to do it.
I still get deeply upset when asked "how are you? " In the innocence of people asking me that, they have no idea how dangerous my "floodgates" are ready to burst, and that they are met with me crying and unable to talk. In this day and age, it often (more often than not) is a frivolous question, an automatic remark/response....that is rarely met with a real HONEST answer. I am too upset, and too tired; to play the game of saying "fine, all is okay....how are you?".
This time .....when asked, I will answer honestly. Sorry folks....but time is precious, and if you really are interested in how I am doing...you will also be interested in my honest answer...as difficult as it is
.
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